i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
