I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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