Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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