I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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