no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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