Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
