Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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