If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
