I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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