I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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