you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
