I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
