we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
