I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
