I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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