I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
