so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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