I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
