I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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