So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
