Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
