you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
