Tell her she can't have a vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
