she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
