go do what you do best...puke behind churches
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Randomize
