My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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