Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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