my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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