at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
