The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My liver just broke up with me...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
