And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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