I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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