dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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