he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
