There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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