Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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