I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
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