I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
