Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
