I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
