Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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