The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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