I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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