i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
