My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
