Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
