Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
