You work out of a Hotel?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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