Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
