no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
