I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
