I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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