Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
