Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
