Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
