HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
