I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
