this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
