You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
