I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
