just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
