guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
