so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
