he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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