Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
