It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
