I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
