And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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